Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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