I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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