My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
