I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
