Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
