I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
