I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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