FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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