guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
