god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
