i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
