Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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