im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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