so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
