hotel room ftw
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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