Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
