I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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