Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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