I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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