i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
