There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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