Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
