I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
