i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
