Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
