I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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