Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
