last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
