we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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