Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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