I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Floor bacon is actually really good
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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