she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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