Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
