12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
