I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
