so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
