one two three fourrrrnication!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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