I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
