Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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