I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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