I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
