these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
