Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
