If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
