my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
