I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so let's talk penis.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
