I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
