I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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