Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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