i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
